New city, no friends? Do this first
The fastest way to go from zero to thriving
⏳ Read time: 8 minutes
Hey there,
Moving to a new city is the fastest way to realize how alone you are.
Nothing makes that clearer than your first Friday night. The moving boxes are stacked in the corner, your camp chair is the only furniture in sight, and as you scroll for weekend plans, it hits you: you have no idea what to do and no one to do it with.
I’ve been there. When I moved to Austin, I had exactly two people in my contacts: a former coworker and a high school classmate I hadn’t seen in ten years. But within a month, I had 30 friends. Six months later, I had 50. And now? Over 100 people who make Austin feel like home.
I didn’t get lucky. I wasn’t naturally social. I followed a repeatable system that works in any city even if you’re starting from zero. Today, I’ll show you how to bootstrap your social life in a new city (or rejuvenate it if you’ve been stuck for a while).
Follow this system, and you’ll go from knowing no one to having a thriving social life in under two months. We’ll cover:
The #1 mistake people make when trying to meet new people
The three-step system to building a friend group from scratch
How to find new people to meet, even if you barely know how to get to work
Let’s dive in.
3 Steps to Make Friends in a New City (Fast)
Most people assume that friendships happen organically. They wait. They assume they’ll meet their new best friends at work, the gym, or a coffee shop. Then, months pass, and they wonder why they still feel isolated.
Friendships don’t just happen. You need to engineer them.
To create a thriving social life, you need to build a complete Friendship Pipeline, but that can feel overwhelming when you’ve just moved! You don’t even know the best grocery store yet, let alone the best places to meet new people.
Don't worry. You don't need to master the entire system at once.
Here’s my exact formula for finding your first 15 friends within 60 days (and putting yourself on the path to many more).
1. Host a Housewarming Party (Even If You Think No One Will Come)
If you do one thing after reading this email, make it this: Host a housewarming party.
I don’t care if you just moved in. I don’t care if you’ve lived in your place for years. I don’t care if you don’t have furniture. I don’t even care if you don’t know a single person yet.
Your housewarming party is your forcing function to start building connections immediately. Instead of waiting for friendships to form, you create an opportunity for them to happen.
Why This Works
It gives you a clear goal. Instead of waiting to "meet people," you’re actively finding guests.
It gives you a reason to reach out. You’re not aimlessly following up—you have a clear invite to offer.
It builds instant momentum. You can’t fake a party. Hosting one proves to yourself that you can do this. You can meet people, and you can create a thriving social life in your new home.
How to Do It Right
Set a goal number of guests. I recommend 12-15. You can go a little smaller, but definitely have at least 5 people (even if you’re introverted!).
Start inviting people immediately. Anytime you meet someone cool, say, “Hey, I just moved here and I’m throwing a housewarming party in a few weeks. Can I invite you once I pick a date?”
Secure enough invitees, then set a date. Expect 50% to flake, so invite twice as many people as you want to attend. Aim to find enough people within two months!
Write a killer invitation, but don’t send it yet. Draft an invitation on Partiful, add your address and all the relevant details.
Lock in 5 “core” RSVPs first. Message your 5 best connections first to ensure they can come. If they can’t, reschedule! Have them RSVP first to create social proof, then send the invite to everyone else.
Keep it simple. Light snacks, drinks (or just sparkling water), and a few conversation starters. No need for a five-course meal.
Take a group photo. Immortalize the moment (and your accomplishment!)
This one event will kickstart your social life faster than anything else. For a detailed guide on hosting a killer party, I highly recommend The 2-Hour Cocktail Party.
2. Tap Into the Local Scene
But even before your party happens, you need to start exploring your city. Where do people actually go? How do you find the best events? Some days, it probably feels like everyone else has an insider's guide while you're fumbling with Google Maps. But you don't have to figure it out from scratch.
Every city has an entire ecosystem of local influencers, newsletters, and event roundups designed to help you find where the action is. The trick is knowing where to look.
How to Find Local Influencers
Use the right platforms. Prioritize email newsletters (for curated events) plus either TikTok or Instagram (for real-time recommendations). The local Reddit community can also be goldmine for authentic recommendations. In major cities like NYC or Vegas, YouTube channels exist, but they’re usually geared toward tourists rather than locals.
Train your algorithm. The fastest way to get local recommendations is to follow food influencers. Even if you’re not a foodie, these accounts are everywhere, and engaging with them will train your algorithm to surface more local content.
Subscribe to curated newsletters. Most cities have weekly or monthly event roundups. Some are run by traditional media outlets, others by independent writers on platforms like Substack.
Exactly What to Search
Instagram/Tiktok
Best restaurants [CITY] [LAST YEAR]
Ex: Best restaurants Austin 2024
[CITY] [MONTH] {YEAR]
Ex: Austin January 2025
Google/Email
You can also try searching on Reddit and on Substack
[CITY] events [MONTH] newsletter
Ex: Austin events February newsletter
By plugging into these resources, you'll quickly discover which neighborhoods are buzzing, what events locals actually attend (not just tourist traps), and where people in your demographic spend their time. You’ll start spotting social opportunities before you even have to search for them. Then, you just have to show up.
3. Go to One Social Event Per Week (No Excuses)
Most people want friends. But when I ask them how often they put themselves in situations where they could meet people, the answer is usually… never.
You need consistent exposure to social opportunities. My rule? One social event per week. Minimum.
Most importantly, start going to social events the first week you move to town. I know you’re not fully unpacked yet. I know you have a million things on your todo list.
But life is always busy.
You as a human being have social needs, and you need to prioritize fulfilling those needs even when you have a lot going on. By committing to building your social life immediately, you are developing the muscle of creating a resilient, abundant social life.
How to Find the Right Events for You
Prioritize your interests: Don’t go out just to meet people. Find something you would genuinely enjoy. If you have an interest or hobby, search “hobby [CITY]” on Google and Instagram to find local clubs.
Use your knowledge of the local scene: Apply what you learned in Step 2 to find events that match your vibe.
Balance one-off and recurring events: One-off events are best for meeting people, but recurring events are better for developing relationships.
Explore before committing: Try a few different events before settling on your weekly routine. Give yourself permission to sample.
The key? Pick one recurring event and stick with it. I call these Anchor Events — recurring social activities that you can invite strangers to. Showing up to the same event every week builds social familiarity, and that’s the real key to making friends. Next, supplement your anchor event with occasional one-offs to stretch your social circle in new directions.
And don’t forget, when you meet people, invite them to your housewarming party!
Want more Friendship Engineer?
I'm now sharing quick tips and frameworks on social media! Follow along to see these concepts in action:
In the last week, I produced videos about
Each platform features unique content to help you build your friendship skills, from quick tactical tips to deeper dives into social dynamics. But don’t take my word for it!
Wow, from the production quality I thought you must be a big channel, but now I see you've just started. Happy to be here at the start, I can see this channel getting huge, especially in todays world where everyone (including myself) is struggling to make friends.
- @hananmusovich
damn this channel is underrated
- @DrawTakenShorts
A Quick Recommendation
If you enjoy The Friendship Engineer, you may also enjoy my friend Anne-Laure Le Cunff’s new book Tiny Experiments. It’s a manual for building a life based not around linear goals, but on experiments and continuous feedback — a perfect complement to the friendship-building framework I shared today.
It’s a guide to being present in the moment, living off the default path, and discovering what makes you come alive with practical systems that make personal growth inevitable.
Here’s what you learned today:
Host a housewarming party ASAP (even if it’s small).
Commit to one social event per week (starting week 1).
Leverage local newsletters and social media to find events around you.
You don’t have to be naturally social. You don’t have to “get lucky.” You just need to follow a process, and the first step is making the commitment.
And if you do? In 60 days, you won't feel like a stranger — you'll feel like you've arrived in your new home.
👉 Action step: Find one event happening this week. It could be a one-off networking event, a weekly club, or anything else. Sign up for it now. Then, text one person you know (even loosely) and invite them to join you. No overthinking, just send the text!
Want City-Specific Guidance?
I'm creating a series of "Moving to [CITY]" guides to help you find the right communities in your new town—including the best influencers, newsletters, events, and meetups specific to your city.
First up is Austin! If you'd like to get a copy of my Austin guide, reply to this email and I'll send you the latest draft.
Want your city featured next? Let me know which one in the comments!
Your friend,
-Connor
PS… If this newsletter helped you, send it to a friend who’s about to move or struggling to meet people in a new city. It might change their life.
My go-to was to keep going to the same run club every week for a couple months and go to all the ancillary events that stem from them (I was lucky as it was a "social" run club) and BANG I found a core group of friends. This was a very thoughtful post and great format with super actionable and effective steps. Well done!