Stop awkwardly asking strangers to coffee (do this instead)

Never think about friend dates again

Hey there!

The hardest part of making new friends isn't meeting strangers — it's getting them to see you again.

How many times have you met someone cool in a random place only to let that connection slip away? You share a joke with the person next to you in line at the grocery or even hit it off at a networking event. You’ve just had a great conversation, but you freeze up when trying to figure out what to do next. Should you ask for their number? Invite them to coffee? What if they say no? If you’re confident, you probably swap Instagrams or LinkedIns before never speaking to each other again.

After hundreds of attempts and refinements, I've finally cracked the code for reliably turning these interactions into new friendships. I’ve even developed a closing line that has never failed to get an enthusiastic 'yes' when suggesting we meet again.

Today, I'll share my exact system for turning any stranger into an acquaintance using what I call "anchor events." We'll cover:

• Why friend dates fail (and what to do instead)

• The psychology behind my 100% success rate

• How to create your own perfect closing line

Let's dive in!

The Problem with Friend Dates

The biggest mistake people make when trying to turn strangers into acquaintances is asking for too much commitment too soon. Absolutely no one likes a “friend date.” When you say "Want to grab coffee sometime?", you're putting all the pressure on them and offering little in return. They have to:

• Decide if they trust you enough for a 1-on-1 meeting

• Figure out their schedule

• Commit to an awkward interaction with no escape hatch

• Wonder if this is actually a romantic advance

• Worry about what happens if they don't click with you

The solution? Flip the script. Instead of asking them to commit their time and energy, make them an offer. Not "will you do this for me," but "can I do this for you?"

Enter: Anchor Events

An anchor event is a recurring social activity that happens at least monthly that you can invite strangers to join. But more than just a regular meetup, it's a social space you create or join that serves as a friendship catalyst.

Let me share how anchor events have transformed my social life. When I moved to Austin, instead of trying to arrange coffee dates, I started hosting monthly house parties. These weren't huge ragers, usually just 12-20 people gathering around an unhinged Partiful invite for pulled pork sandwiches, sparkling water, and ample conversation. But they gave me something invaluable: a reliable way to include new people in my social circle.

A few weeks ago, I met Danielle while playing pickleball. We bonded over being birthday twins and winning a doubles match together 11-0. Instead of the awkward "we should get coffee" dance, I mentioned my monthly gatherings. Her eyes lit up at the idea of meeting new people (and enjoying some of my famous party food 😋). After joining me at a party last weekend, she made several new friends and I can’t wait to pick her brain for more pickleball tips the next time we play.

The key is consistency — you're creating a reliable social space that others can plug into whenever they're comfortable. Think:

• Monthly house parties (like mine)

• Weekly walking clubs

• Biweekly game nights

• Regular dinner gatherings

• Social sports leagues

But here's the thing, you don't need to be a party person to make this work. My friend Kirtana runs a weekly 7am writing club at a local coffee shop. Another friend attends Latin dance classes every Tuesday evening. The format matters less than the consistency.

The Power of Anchor Events

The beauty of anchor events is they completely change the social dynamics. Instead of trying to manufacture a one-on-one interaction, you're inviting someone into an existing social context. This works because:

• It removes pressure - They can come when they're ready, bring friends if they want, and leave whenever they need to

• It provides social proof - Other people will be there, making it feel safer and more legitimate

• It offers multiple values - Beyond just meeting you, they get to enjoy an activity and meet other people

• It creates natural context - The event itself provides structure and conversation topics

• It builds gradually - Relationships can develop organically over multiple casual interactions

The Perfect Closing Line

Here's the exact script I use when I meet someone I’d like to see again:

"By the way, I host house parties about once a month. You seem really cool. Would you mind if I invite you to one sometime?"

I am not exaggerating when I say no one has ever told me no. After they agree, we exchange contact info, usually a phone number or Instagram. When my next party comes around, I make sure to follow up. Because I host monthly, I’m usually no more than two weeks away from being able to send them an actual invite. The timeliness matters!

This works equally well for other types of events. Here are some real examples:

Writing Club: "Hey, a few of us meet every Friday morning to write together at Medici. You seem really thoughtful. Would you like to join us sometime?"

Walking Group: "Every Saturday I go this amazing group walk around the lake. It's super casual, and we usually grab tacos after. You’ve got great energy and would fit right in. Would you be interested in joining sometime?"

Why does this work so well

1. It's an offer, not a request. Everyone loves an invitation, even if they can’t make it.

2. They get multiple benefits (meeting new people + a fun event)

3. It validates the other person and lets you know you like them

4. The regular frequency means they can wait until they're ready

5. The social proof of other attendees makes them feel safer

6. They can bring friends if they want

7. They can say yes in the moment without committing to anything specific

While these lines work incredibly well in the moment, that doesn't mean everyone you invite will eventually show up. Some people aren't ready for new friendships, others might be too busy, and sometimes the event just isn't a good fit. But what makes anchor events so powerful is that you don’t need everyone to say yes. If you keep putting good friendship karma out in the world, the right people will find their way to you.

Creating Your Own Anchor Event

You don't need to throw parties or even host anything to make this work. Joining an existing event is just fine! The perfect anchor event:

• Feels low-pressure

• Happens regularly (at least monthly)

• Is easy to join with minimal commitment

• Has inherent value beyond just meeting you

• Allows people to show up alone or bring friends if they want

• Is something you genuinely enjoy and want to do regardless of who else shows up

Some ideas to get started:

• Start a weekly walking group in your neighborhood

• Host monthly board game nights

• Organize regular picnics in the park

• Create a book club that meets at a café

• Join a social sports league and become a regular

To craft your closing line, simply fill in the blank:

"By the way, I (host/go to) [anchor event] every [frequency]. You seem really [genuine compliment]. (Would you mind if I invite you/Would you like to join me) sometime?"

Getting Started

Don't feel like you need to create something huge. Start small and let it grow naturally.

The key is to pick something you'd genuinely enjoy doing even if only one other person shows up. This ensures you'll maintain it long enough for it to become a true anchor in your social life.

That's it.

Here's what you learned today:

• Anchor events are your secret weapon for turning strangers into friends

• The best invitations create value for others while requiring minimal commitment

• Consistency matters more than size — start small but show up regularly

Action step: Choose one regular activity in your life that could become an anchor event. This week, either:

1. Start your own by inviting 2-3 friends to join you

2. Find an existing group in your area and commit to going three times to test it out.

I’d love to hear what anchor events you have in your life. If you have any questions or success stories, I’d love to hear them in the comments or by replying to this email.

Your friend,

-Connor

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